>What do you think can be done to make femslash fandom more friendly for asexuals? Well, some acknowledgement would be good. I do not read much f/f myself, but from the above discussion I can see that there is still a problem with differentiating between platonic relationships, asexual relationships and "romantic friendships". If you want to make f/f fandom more welcome to asexuals, work on defining each term more clearly, and tag accordingly.
Generally, I would welcome more variations in asexual characters. Like people said in above comments, there are so many different facets to asexuality. Someone might enjoy kissing and casual touches, or they might not. They might enjoy flirting, or they might not. They might even have a high sex drive, but are not interested or attracted to other people (autosexuals). They might feel sexual attraction sometimes, or only for specific persons (demi-grey). They might not like sex per se, but maybe they like the feeling it gives them when they get their partners off in different manners.
Please keep in mind that sexuality and sensuality are two different things, and that someone might be very sensual (likes touches and smells and colours, etc., can appreciate beauty in a partner in very sensual ways) but that for asexuals, this appreciation and sensuality has nothing to do with sex. The same goes for erotic. Maybe they like the power they have over other people when they dress and behave in an erotic fashion, maybe they revel in the eroticism of other people, of images, etc. It doesn't mean they are sexually attracted.
Another thing I would like to see more of is the day-to-day challenges asexuals face. I always need a moment to understand sexual innuendo or jokes when I don't expect them (like in a work context), and that often creates awkwardness. When I was younger, I never understood when someone was hitting on me. I invest a lot into my friendships, and I frequently get frustrated (or worse) when my friends get boy/girlfriends and spend less time with me. I do not understand sexual attractions, that means on a fundamental level I do not understand why my friends want to be with someone they don't know based on that.
For much of my life, I dressed very blandly, shabby even, because I did not want to attract unwanted sexual attention and did not know what to do with it. Whenever someone says "I'd hit that", I am torn over nodding along and feeling like a liar, or remind them of my asexuality/come out of the closet. These are just a few things, I bet when you set your mind to it (or ask asexuals in a forum), you get many, many more.
I can not speak about f/f, because I don't read much (m/m and gen, mostly, some het). For me, women or girls who actively know and pursue their own sexual desires is still shockingly rare, in fic and life. I recently read Of Roses Unfurling and Devilry by snowgrouse, and the genuine and unashamed way in which both protagonists pursue their desires fascinates me deeply. I do not know how often this happens in f/f fic, but I for once wouldn't mind more of these kind of fics. And like I said, characters can be deeply, wildly erotic without being sexually attracted to other people.
In other words, do your research when you write asexual characters, and use your imagination. Get creative, see beyond your own assumptions and stereotypes. And, as always when writing about characters that belong to a minority, don't make everything about that. Make relatable, well-rounded characters with interesting jobs that happen to be asexual. Write a soap opera in space that happens to have an asexual protagonist. The usual.
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Date: 2015-04-09 05:54 pm (UTC)Well, some acknowledgement would be good. I do not read much f/f myself, but from the above discussion I can see that there is still a problem with differentiating between platonic relationships, asexual relationships and "romantic friendships". If you want to make f/f fandom more welcome to asexuals, work on defining each term more clearly, and tag accordingly.
Generally, I would welcome more variations in asexual characters. Like people said in above comments, there are so many different facets to asexuality. Someone might enjoy kissing and casual touches, or they might not. They might enjoy flirting, or they might not. They might even have a high sex drive, but are not interested or attracted to other people (autosexuals). They might feel sexual attraction sometimes, or only for specific persons (demi-grey). They might not like sex per se, but maybe they like the feeling it gives them when they get their partners off in different manners.
Please keep in mind that sexuality and sensuality are two different things, and that someone might be very sensual (likes touches and smells and colours, etc., can appreciate beauty in a partner in very sensual ways) but that for asexuals, this appreciation and sensuality has nothing to do with sex. The same goes for erotic. Maybe they like the power they have over other people when they dress and behave in an erotic fashion, maybe they revel in the eroticism of other people, of images, etc. It doesn't mean they are sexually attracted.
Another thing I would like to see more of is the day-to-day challenges asexuals face. I always need a moment to understand sexual innuendo or jokes when I don't expect them (like in a work context), and that often creates awkwardness. When I was younger, I never understood when someone was hitting on me. I invest a lot into my friendships, and I frequently get frustrated (or worse) when my friends get boy/girlfriends and spend less time with me. I do not understand sexual attractions, that means on a fundamental level I do not understand why my friends want to be with someone they don't know based on that.
For much of my life, I dressed very blandly, shabby even, because I did not want to attract unwanted sexual attention and did not know what to do with it. Whenever someone says "I'd hit that", I am torn over nodding along and feeling like a liar, or remind them of my asexuality/come out of the closet. These are just a few things, I bet when you set your mind to it (or ask asexuals in a forum), you get many, many more.
I can not speak about f/f, because I don't read much (m/m and gen, mostly, some het). For me, women or girls who actively know and pursue their own sexual desires is still shockingly rare, in fic and life. I recently read Of Roses Unfurling and Devilry by snowgrouse, and the genuine and unashamed way in which both protagonists pursue their desires fascinates me deeply. I do not know how often this happens in f/f fic, but I for once wouldn't mind more of these kind of fics. And like I said, characters can be deeply, wildly erotic without being sexually attracted to other people.
In other words, do your research when you write asexual characters, and use your imagination. Get creative, see beyond your own assumptions and stereotypes. And, as always when writing about characters that belong to a minority, don't make everything about that. Make relatable, well-rounded characters with interesting jobs that happen to be asexual. Write a soap opera in space that happens to have an asexual protagonist. The usual.
Edit: Here via metafandom, sorry I forgot to say.